This is a bittersweet post to write. The more I think about it, however, the more right it feels. It’s time to say goodbye.
Years ago I closed my first blog because blogging became a chore, I would have to force myself to sit down and write and I would procrastinate to the last second. It was so hard to accept that I just didn’t want to keep blogging anymore.
I’m sad to say this but Latinx Magic doesn’t bring me joy anymore. I have been terrible with keeping up with comments, I have never been consistent and the more I try, the more dishearten I feel about creating new content. I feel drained, like I can’t give this blog anything anymore.
I’m exhausted and really, I’m just over a community that doesn’t appreciate bloggers. I’m tired of spending hours screaming to the void. I’m tired because the things I’m the loudest about, never change. Time and time again we have the same conversations because the reality is, white folks don’t care or won’t listen or whatever… I can’t do this anymore. It’s not worthy. I feel myself slowly drowning in despair. I’m tired of reading the same racist takes, I’m tired of people not being accountable and I’m SO tired of seeing folks still thriving because they move on. Well, I can’t move on.
I won’t say I didn’t feel welcome in this space because that’s not true. So many bloggers welcomed me with open arms and helped me shape Latinx Magic to what it’s today. But I can’t feel like I belong to a space that is slowly eating my soul. I know it’s an exaggeration, you may roll your eyes, but at this point, I can’t take the same five discourses with the same five opinions anymore.
I’m saying goodbye but I don’t truly know what it means. I’m not deleting Latinx Magic because I’m so proud of the things I did here. I don’t feel honest calling this a hiatus because I really don’t know when or if I’ll ever come back. You deserve my honesty, it’s the least I could do. This has been a long way coming, really. Like many things I do, opening this blog was a spontaneous decision. Although I had been thinking about blogging, I couldn’t make that last step until one day the site was up and that first blog post was being drafted. I let my passion and excitement make my spontaneous decisions and I have a great time. But sometimes it means I don’t think things through and when it catches up with me, I have lost that energy.
I was slowly reminded of all of the things that I didn’t enjoy about blogging: being consistent, spending hours on content, letting the numbers get to you, feeling like your work goes unnoticed… By the end of 2019, I felt exhausted and disconnected. I pushed through, however, thinking that what I needed was to go back to a routine. It was not.
With the pandemic, I hoped to catch up with reviews and blog ideas, it didn’t happen. All this to say, I knew the end was near and there was not going back.
I may come back, I really hope I will, but I feel like Latinx Magic is a stage of my life that I have to close now.
I’m sorry, part of me feels I’m letting you down. Your encouragement, love and support doesn’t go unnoticed, I promise. Thank you for being in this journey.